Tag Archives: Religious Abuse

Breaking My Silence – Kaylen Young (Moyer)

(Warning, this post is incredibly long. This is the story of my family’s hardships at the hands of a toxic religious church. The point of view is more specifically from my sister, Erin and I, as we went through most of these trials together.)                                      

There’s something I need to say, I know I don’t say much on here, and I probably won’t ever do this again, but I feel like I need to at least get this out. It’s been weighing very heavily on my body and soul, and I feel like I need to release it. It’s not mine to hold onto anymore.

This past year I’ve started to remember something; something horrible that I have a hard time even thinking about. I was sexually abused by the pastor of the church we went to for 9 1/2 years. I never thought in a million years this would have happened to me, but at the same time, I knew. It’s so very confusing and my whole life has been turned upside-down. Although my life now makes sense, it still hurts. The only way I can describe the way I feel now, is that I’ve been sleeping for years and I’ve finally been awakened to this harsh reality. Though I’ve never felt so much pain in my entire life, I’ve never felt so alive and free. I finally know what was causing my pain and misery all this time. My fear of trusting, my lack of confidence, my self-hatred, my anger and hatred towards everything and everyone, my lack of motivation, my constant anxiety and fear of everything. He took everything from me. I’ve been dead-alive for 14 years.

My head has always been full of thoughts, but I’ve never been able to just slow down. For years I’ve kept myself too busy to stop and clear my head. I’ve always been too afraid to see what was in there, because deep down inside, I knew something wasn’t right. I couldn’t stand to be alone, I was too afraid… I couldn’t face it. And now I have to find myself and pick up all the pieces. I have no choice now but to face this, because I’ve let it control my life for far too long.

I never want to hurt another person because of this ever again, and I apologize to anyone that I’ve hurt over the years. I’m tired of being called mean, cold-hearted, and a bitch. THAT’S NOT ME! I never wanted to be mean and cold to anyone, and I felt so much guilt when I was. I didn’t know why I was so angry, but because of it I’ve always felt so isolated and alone. I honestly thought I would never meet anyone that I’d love or be able to connect with. I hated even the thought of love, and I wanted nothing to do with it until I started talking to Jacob in 2010. He’s helped me so much in so many ways. He’s shown me unconditional love, something that was lost in me over the years, and finally made me feel safe. He’s also shown me that there is still some good in this world, and that I can trust some people. And even though it’s been really rough (so sorry about that) and it took me 3 years to be able to trust him enough to marry him, I’m so glad I took that HUGE step. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him.

Erin and I were always left out at church. The adults and teens would buy gifts for all the kids in the church but us. Everyone hated us, was mean to us, and talked bad about us. We had 2 or 3 friends, and even they weren’t real friends Any chance to be with the popular girls, and they’d leave us in a heartbeat. They would bully Erin and not me, because no one could affect me. I didn’t care what they thought, but somehow they knew that hurting my family was the only way to hurt me. They’d make fun of her weight, telling her that she was fat and disgusting, and that she’ll never get married because of it. I hated how often they would hurt her, and any chance I got I would defend her. But because of all the bullying she began to cut herself and became suicidal at age 8, all the way up until she was 17. It was Erin and I against the world, or at least it felt like it.

We’ve had a lot of hardships in our family over the years. In February of 2003, my youngest sister was born with a club foot. In December of 2003, my dad almost lost his leg. He was in the hospital for 4 or 5 days during Christmas, and a few more times for maintenance. In November of 2004, my baby brother was born with a rare heart defect called HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) which is deadly if not caught within the first weeks of being born. My parents were in the hospital with him for the first 21 days of his life, and we didn’t get to see him for at least a week. Whenever they would go to the hospital for one of his surgeries, we’d have to stay with our grandparents. That was traumatizing. Our grandparents never really talked to us, and weren’t there for us. We couldn’t really do anything; we weren’t even allowed to shower when we wanted to. And on top of all that, whenever my parents were at the hospital, the whole church would target us and treat us horribly.

I remember a time at my grandparents house when Erin and I were eating pudding out of a can and we were talking about wanting to slice our tongues with the lid and bleed out and die, hoping maybe then someone would care. When my brother was 2 months old, he had a heart attack and a stroke, and almost died. When we got the news, we cried through the whole service, but no one cared. The best comfort we got was the church “favorite” patting my back and saying, “It’s ok.” But it was NOT ok. I didn’t know if my brother would make it through. The 2 women that we sat with wouldn’t even let Erin and I sit together. After that, all the kids had a party because we were all home schooled, and when they told us about it and we asked why they didn’t invite us, all they said was, “We thought you’d be too sad to come, and we didn’t want to bother you.” I told them we would’ve loved to come; that it would’ve lifted our spirits. They looked at me annoyed and told me, “Well then you should’ve told us!”

Another time, while my parents were in the hospital for my brother’s last open heart surgery, Erin and our best friend and I were just having fun building a snowman. Suddenly, the church “favorite” comes outside. (She had been crying for God knows what reason…) We offered to let her and her sister both build with us, trying to avoid any confrontation, (she had a reputation for snapping at people who tried to comfort her), her sister agreed, but she went back inside, enraged. My brother then heard her blubbering to her mom about something, and her mother said, “Rub their faces in the snow, throw snowballs at them!” The next time we came to church, our snowman was gone. We asked what happened to it and were told the “pastor’s” daughter had run it over. Then the church favorite slowly and precisely said, “Ha. Ha.” I didn’t know you could have so much hate behind two little words… but she did. It was pretty devastating. My mom had to call the “favorite’s” mom and confront her because she was being so horrible, all while my brother was in the ICU recovering from open heart surgery.  Thankfully, at this time, we were staying with our Aunt Terry, who loves and supports us still.

Now, we were really close with our best friend’s mom, because no one at the church liked her or her daughter, either. We would go over to their house all the time, and talk to her about everything. We were even close with her husband, and he was very quiet. He told our best friend to just invite Erin and I to her birthday party, because he knew we were good friends. But in September of 2005 he died of “unknown causes”. May of 2006, our best friend’s mom started spending more time with the other women, and began to turn on us. June of 2006, Erin went to junior camp by herself, because I was 13 at this time and couldn’t go. I begged her not to go, but she was being pressured into feeling that she had to. At first it was pleasant, and it seemed like everyone wanted her to be there, but once they all got there, everything changed. She started to get emotional and cry a lot, and she was on her period and had an infection at the time, and couldn’t swim with her friends. So her friends left her with the adult women who just slept the entire 30 minutes of the only free time she got. They also forced her to play soccer even though she didn’t feel good.

They were so insensitive about her emotional distress, and one particular moment that set her off was when they went to swim for free time. She decided to accompany her friends, because anything was better than staying in the cabin with all the sleeping adults. She tried to participate as much as she was able, but it wasn’t the same. She felt like she didn’t even exist to her friends. They barely acknowledged her, only focusing on enjoying themselves. Obviously feeling depressed, she sat by a puddle, her head hanging low. That’s when the church “favorite’s” mom approached her and said, with a sadistic smile, “Oh, quit being such a baby.” Erin got up and walked away. From that moment on, she knew something wasn’t right, and the next day it was completely confirmed.

There had been a storm that day, and all the girls were forced to stay in the cabin for free time. Erin was ecstatic. She would finally get to spend some time with her friends. But at the last minute, her best friend and the church’s “favorite” came in the door and shouted, “The pool is open!” Another friend, who was just about to draw with Erin, immediately put the notebook down and ran out the door with the rest of them. Erin was heartbroken, and started to cry quietly. Just then, our best friend’s mom came up to her and tried to “comfort” her. But it wasn’t comforting in the least. She snapped at her, and compared Erin crying over her friends leaving her, to our best friend’s mom losing her husband. Erin was devastated. The loss of her best friend’s father had impacted her deeply, and she felt horrible, feeling as if her emotional outburst was pathetic compared to how this grown woman handled her husband’s death. She stopped crying and tried to have a “better attitude”.

But the very next day, the church’s “favorite” started to try and memorize one of the final verses for the week, but she couldn’t do it no matter how hard she tried, and threw herself into her pillow and began to weep. Instantly, all the women gathered around her and began rubbing her back and comforting her. Especially our best friend’s mom, who had just lectured Erin the previous day for being too emotional over things that don’t matter. But here was this girl, sobbing over a Bible verse, sobbing because she couldn’t be number one every year in a row, and the entire cabin seemed to be stricken with grief over it.

After that, Erin decided she was done. No longer would she participate and smile through it. She knew now that she was just a burden. Her tears were meaningless, and her distress was out of line. Even though she was only depressed because she was in immense pain (on top of all the pain from her time-of-the-month and an infection, she also got food poisoning from the poor-quality camp food), her friends had abandoned her and the adults singled her out for every emotion she exhibited. From that moment on, her attitude changed. She was no longer sad and depressed, but angry and defiant. Which is shocking, because Erin has always been incredibly passive, and it takes a lot to make her lash out. So much more happened that I don’t have time to explain, but suffice it to say, they straight-up bullied Erin. And from then on it only got worse for her. She became a target, and that only made me more angry.

After that we didn’t go to camp again. Even before this incident, we absolutely hated junior camp. It was torturous, but we always felt guilty if we didn’t go. But that changed in the summer of 2009, when the “pastor” convinced us to go to teen camp for the first time. I’m still not really sure why he tried so hard to get us to go to camp… maybe it was his way of trying to break us. Things were really hostile at this time, but he told us if this one girl who we couldn’t stand treated us badly at camp, he’d kick her out of the church, so of course we were convinced to go. Plus we just wanted him to get away from us and shut up. We never cared for him, and it wasn’t until 3 years after we left that we truly found out why, and not til last year that I found out why I couldn’t stand him. So when we went, the girl we couldn’t stand “just happened” to get re-saved after the teen leaders and us had a talk with her. That’s when it really started getting bad.

After we got back from camp, everyone flocked around us and said Erin and I had improved so much, and were the best kids in the teen class. Until we started to see that the girl hadn’t changed at all. We tried to bring it up to the teen leaders, but no one else believed us. That’s when we really started to lose everyone. Our best friend wasn’t allowed to hang out with us anymore because her mother said that this girl was way more spiritual than Erin and I. We were at another “pastor’s” church when she told us this, and we completely broke down. The teen leader’s wife comforted us and told us not to give up on her, because we had come so far. Later, Erin confided in her about some very serious matter- she was finally opening up about being suicidal. After spilling all of the details, including writing statements about her suicide attempts, the teen leader who said she loved us so much distanced herself from us, and wouldn’t even talk to us anymore. We were very confused, and didn’t know what was going on. Another one of our friends came to us crying, saying she wasn’t allowed to hang out with us because Erin was crazy. So we were even more isolated and alone.

The situation that pretty much broke us both was a youth activity about a month before we left, to a Biblical wax museum. Everyone completely avoided us, even our “best friend”. Erin was throwing up all day. As we were walking through the place, Erin said, “I don’t think I can do this, what if I have to throw up again?” The teen leader was standing by an exit sign laughing, and said jokingly, “Well there’s an exit, you can use that.” That was it, I’d had enough of people treating Erin like shit. We stayed away from them for the rest of the day, and whenever they’d move on to the next scene, we’d go to another one without them. It was obvious we weren’t happy with them, but not one person came to see if we were all right, except a Filipino missionary that we didn’t even know! After that, they went to the next museum, and we stayed behind and ranted about how ridiculous they were treating us. When it was time to leave, they had forgotten us… everyone was already in the van, and the teen leader’s wife had to come get us. We went to some place to eat and asked our “best friend” to sit with us, but she refused, preferring to sit with the popular girls. So we asked the teen leader’s wife if we could use her cellphone to call our mom, and we went to the bathroom, called Mom, and cried uncontrollably. It was awful. When the teen leader’s wife came in, she just looked at us coldly while we were visibly shaken and crying, and said, “Are you done?” Thankfully, at the time, we had someone who cared about us, and they were ordered to drop us off at her house.

Come to find out, the teen leader had gotten a hold of the information Erin had given the teen leader’s wife in confidence. He took it to the “pastor”, who made her look crazy, and everyone was ordered to stay away from her. He wanted her dead, because dead victims can’t speak, and he was going to blame it on my dad not being home all the time. (He had a full-time job and worked on my grandparents farm. We didn’t get to see him very often, but we knew he loved us, and he was absolutely NOT the reason Erin was suicidal.) When my parents found that out, they immediately went to the “pastor” and talked to him. That’s when all hell broke loose. But they couldn’t get very far, because he was very unreasonable, and it caused a lot of problems in our family for the couple of weeks that we were still there. The day we finally left, it wasn’t really by choice. They chased us out. My dad was apologizing to some people for getting pulled into something that they didn’t understand. The “pastor” had brought them into one of my dad’s and his private conversations. When he apologized to the “pastor’s” wife she said, “You’ve got a demon, I can see it in your eyes.” and eventually accepted his apology. As my dad was apologizing to the deacon and his wife, his wife said “I just want you to know, that no matter what you say or what you do, we are behind pastor 100%.”  (She is now the “pastor’s” new wife.) After the deacon accepted my dad’s apology, he immediately went to the “pastor” and told him what was going on. The “pastor” comes out of his office screaming at my dad. 3 men; the pastor, the assistant pastor/teen leader, and the deacon, were surrounding both my parents at this time. The “pastor” said that my dad was sowing discord, the assistant pastor/teen leader called him “Korah”, and told him that we were the worst kids in the teen class. My dad said (Talking to the “pastor”) “You would not even care if Erin was hanging from the ceiling one day!” and he said in a condescending tone, “She wouldn’t do that.” and my dad said, “You’re the one that started it, by telling everyone that the journal was demon possessed and needed to be taken out of the building.” and then the “pastor” got in my dad’s face and said “What were YOU trying to do about it!?” and my dad said, “I was just trying to get some help!” and the deacon got in my dad’s face, trying to intimidate him. The women were hiding in nursery, and Erin and I were in the kitchen, crying and being comforted by the person who cared about us. She told us that she loved and cared about us, and would be there for us even if we left. By this time, the bus captains came back from their route, and joined in; physically restraining my dad as the conflict moved to the parking lot. Every man present, continued the attack on my dad, until he saw it was a futile battle. As my dad walked away, he said, “You can have your church, we’ll see how long it lasts!” My mom came in the kitchen after everything and told us to get in the van, because my dad was at a store parking lot crying. We didn’t know what to feel, we had no idea what was going on, but we knew it wasn’t good. We didn’t know that would be our last day there, but thank God it was!

I’ve never met so many horrible people in my entire life. I don’t know what makes them feel like they have a right to abuse a child, just because the “pastor” says so. How sadistic and brainless do you have to be to do that!? We were completely harmless, we’d never do anything to hurt another human being. Why did they feel the need to destroy us? I wonder what they’d do if they knew that the reason he turned them against us was just to cover up his heinous crimes? Or maybe they already know and don’t care… I can’t even comprehend their evilness.

Now since then, we’ve lost everyone we knew there. The woman who said she cared about us, all of our “friends”, and even one of our family members who still goes there even though this “pastor” has been arrested 2 times for rape. She and her husband believe that he is innocent, yet they haven’t come to talk to our family ONCE! I don’t understand why someone so close to us would believe him over her own family… not to mention, she’s the reason the “pastor” sexually assaulted Erin and I in the first place. She’d always take us to church and then do her own thing, leaving us vulnerable for anyone to get a hold of us.

I don’t remember a LOT of my childhood, but I do know that I was the reason we started going to that church. I told my mom I wanted to go, and I distinctly remember saying it, and being very emotional and full of fear. I now know the reason I asked was because not only was I scared to go to Hell, but I believe he had already abused me, and God impressed upon my heart to go. I used to beat myself up and blame myself for wanting to go there, but I now realize if we wouldn’t have, who knows where we’d be right now. Even though it was a terrible experience and nearly destroyed us all, it opened our eyes to the truth, it helped bring us closer together as a family, and it brought these amazing people into our lives: Jacob, Matt, AshLeigh, and Audra. I know that if I didn’t have such an amazing family, I wouldn’t be here right now.

I do not blame God or church for what has happened in me and my family’s lives at the hands of church people, but instead it’s opened my eyes to the reality that organized religion is wrong. (Now, I’ve never been to a good church, so if you have a good church that you believe is helpful, then by all means, stay. I’m not saying you can’t go to church, I just don’t agree with a lot of the things church people do. But I do believe in being spiritual and having a close relationship with God, the Universe, the Great Divine, whatever you want to call him. And that’s a journey you have to take on your own; no one should tell you what to believe.) And I believe organized religion is wrong because it uses fear and lies to control people. It tells us we are bad by nature, and that there’s no good in us. Well then, we’re totally helpless, and all we can do is accept that we’re just eternally doomed for hell. No matter how good we act, we are disgusting and rotten at the core. If that’s the case, then we’re helpless to save ourselves from some inevitable, horrible fate. So in your darkest hour, they give you hope, a band-aid for an open wound. They tell you to let “god” in, read your Bible and pray, go to church, keep your eyes on Jesus, and allow him in all his goodness to influence your terrible self into being good. Not to mention salvation from a certain damnation. Empty words to keep us disconnected from the true God. But it’s all a clever guise, because religion isn’t God, it’s man. It allows a human to have complete control over your mind.

The real God is like the wind, a gentle reminder saying, “Life is hard, but I’m still here. Enjoy the beauty around you and just keep trying to do better.” It never abuses you or tears you down. It doesn’t need to, because if you discover anything in life, it’s that love is the best teacher, and you can be as good as you want to be. And the reason religious people discredit free-thinkers is because they’re showing you a permanent fix for happiness, and that you can no longer be controlled by fear, because you just embrace it and move on. You have the knowledge that hey, I AM good enough, I can be amazing all on my own, I can make the right decisions for my life, and if I don’t… well, it doesn’t mean death and hell. It just means I need to try harder and be the best I can be. Even if you screw up in life, the earth doesn’t stop feeding you and providing for you. It doesn’t withhold, it stays the same. That’s God, that’s love. ^^ (Obviously if you nuke the earth it won’t provide, but that’s a totally different scenario, lol.) And in my life, when I was truly on the verge of letting go, the earth just seemed to know. The cats would be extra cute and cuddly, the air felt inviting and warm… there was always something I couldn’t explain about it. Then I realized, I knew God all along in my life. I would wake up early to enjoy the morning and all its beauty. I would wander around and just be happy. But then church took God and perverted him into some man-like being, who was just as sick as the men around us. It got all screwed up. And now I look back and realize God was there all along. I just forgot his face amidst all the fear, guilt, and control… but now I remember. ^^

The group of church people that we’ve been around have treated us the worst we have ever been treated, in our most low and vulnerable times, just because the “pastor” said so. They just blindly follow him because he’s the “man of God” and he can do no wrong. They go to him about every little thing in their life, not wanting to think for themselves, because it’s too hard to think for yourself, it’s more convenient to get advice from someone else who SAYS they know God. The idea of one man “called by God” preaching at you, telling you how to feel about yourself, and what to think and feel about God is dangerous. You were given a brain for a reason; to use it! Don’t just blindly believe everything the Bible says. Whether you want to believe it or not, MAN wrote the Bible. The only words that Jesus spoke were in the New Testament, and he never told you to go to church or gave you a bunch of rules, he just wanted you to love yourself and anyone around you. We need to stop focusing so much on sin and how “bad” we are, and start realizing we are all amazing human beings who don’t deserve Hell like we’ve been taught. We need to focus on loving people, regardless of gender, race, or sexuality. We need to see everyone for what they are- beautiful and broken. And how will they get any better if all we do is judge and hate them for what they do? We all deserve respect. Who are we to judge? We all make mistakes, and to judge others for making mistakes differently than you is horribly hypocritical. We all have the same goal in life; to be happy. So stop and think about that other person and what they could be going through before you judge them. Our insecurities are getting in the way of loving and connecting with others. We hate everyone around us because we feel bad about ourselves. You’re hurting them without even knowing them by making them feel less. Most of the time the only one who thinks those negative things about you is yourself, and it’s so damaging to think that way. Give yourself a break, you’ve been through a lot. We all have. The horrible things you think about yourself aren’t true. We are all beautiful!

I wasn’t planning on telling this much of our story, but as I started writing, I couldn’t stop. And this is only a small portion of what we went through, it’s too much to write it all. All these things have been hidden within our family, but nobody would listen.

We’ve been told we were dramatic, but in reality, it’s not drama, it’s trauma. We’ve been called bitter countless times by ex-members, because we stood up for the truth, and didn’t just let go and let God take care of them, but are we not God’s mouthpiece? If he saw this great injustice, wouldn’t he speak up, too? The things that this man has done to Erin, my family, and I are un-forgivable. We aren’t bitter, we just have indignation towards this huge injustice that was done to our family by this vile, wretched, repulsive, atrocious, depraved creature. Words can’t even describe his true nature. And if the sexual abuse itself isn’t evil enough, the words he says are just as evil, if not more so, and murderous to the soul. He is a murderer of innocent souls, and I believe he is the devil in disguise. I know Erin and I are not the only victims of his abuse, and I want him to know this: “We will no longer be silent, and your day is coming despite your denial.”

Vincent’s Story – Surviving Priest Rape

If you, or someone you love and care about has been, as a child, sexually abused, raped, sodomized or molested, there’s one thing you’d have learned or know intimately and that is; you lose your ability to chose. Your world gets smaller and the ability to choose shrinks and narrows to the point where all you can decide on is which option best allows you to survive. No matter your intelligence or education these traumas beset upon you before you can even identify what the hell it is that was done to you – yet still knowing it was all wrong – these feelings and chaos and hell that pedophile rape, molestation and sodomy force you to experience are way beyond most peoples’ ability to process – yet alone having it done to you at 3 years old! What this does – oh and most of these sick fucks also give the child booze and drugs (as in my case) – what happens is akin to… the best image I’ve come up with… you ever see a tree that’s grown around a fence or power line? It looks painful but also like the tree has done the only thing it knows to do and that is to keep going. To keep on growing, grow past the trauma and incorporate it into its foundation, into the core of it’s being. The main problem here though is that trauma weakens the tree and in a storm, it will certainly snap at that weak point. A tree, although it’s alive, it’s not sentient and doesn’t think and can’t fear and plan or anticipate (lucky tree) because those feelings are at the very root of the problem of losing the ability to chose. You begin to operate – at the time the events occurs – in survivor mode. These pedophile rapist fucks destroy a young boys mind with the trauma of rape, sodomy and molestation because – as bizarre as this may sound – when it stops, when they stop being your friend and raping you and paying all this attention to you and giving you drugs and alcohol and toys, when it stops, you’re hurt and scared and worried and at 3 or 5 or 7 years old, you try to figure out what you did wrong? Why don’t they like you anymore? Are they going to kill your parents now? What’s wrong with you? Are they going to get you in trouble? Many times they threaten to kill your parents (that’s what Uncle Al told me he’d do if I told) or your pets or break your toys because they say you’ve done something that made them angry or as a way to show you what they’d do if you told but – with any of it and all of it – you don’t know why or understand what’s really happening but one thing is certain, the child’s outlook on life becomes skewed, twisted and very rudimental. Stay alive. Keep your parents alive. Make the abusing rapist happy and when they stop and/or go away, try and make them come back because you’re 3 or 5 or 7 and don’t understand any of it. If an adult tells you you’ve been bad, you believe them. That’s what you’re told to do. What else can a child and almost toddler do? In my case repeat this abuse scenario 20 to 30 more times from ages 3 to 11 (family friend / Biz partner “Uncle Al”, babysitting hippy couple, Priest, Janitor, and a few I don’t want to mention). With this childhood as my foundation – the core of my reasoning and thought process – how my brain is hardwired, when I reached the age of a teenager and later I’d find myself making choices and decisions that left me baffled and up to my chin in shit. Ten years of therapy in my 30’s has – at best – gotten it down to realizing I’m hurting myself (or my loved one) when just up to my knees in shit – knowing that I need to stop and get out of it – whatever it is – at that point, is real growth and progress. I’ve learned that you don’t get cured, it can get better (and then go right back to being worse – up to your chin – without warning or being able to figure out why) but all in all it takes a lot of work and a near constant vigilance. Until I read some books, attended a ‘survivor of rape and incest’ group and shared and learned that many others share the same childhood trauma and think and process things as an adult the same way I do, that I wasn’t alone – I thought there was something really really wrong with me (not that there’s not but I know I’m not as messed up as I thought – but am pretty broken.

I write all of this for a few reasons; One is I was recently accused of making my life turn out the way it did because I chose it to be this way and two, in hopes that someone else who is as hurt and confused as I was because of the trauma realizes that it’s not all their fault, they’re not alone, that there’s hope and someone cares.

The worst thing I can say to someone with children is that “I wish my childhood on them” and the worst thing I can say to my asshole family is “not only do I wish my childhood on your kids but that you treat them exactly the same way you treated me.” They treated me like shit for most of my life – when most families would lament the burden a troubled loved one brings to them ending most conversations with “but they’re family, what can you do?” there was no such talk in mine. I was thrown out of the house at 14. When an option for a state run reform school or private school was presented my father said something like “he’s your problem – educate him till he’s 18” when he could have easily afforded to send his gifted child (superior to genius on the tests) to a boarding school. Later, I was tried, convicted and kicked out – literally – the moment I turned 18 (with nowhere to go and no degree or no real ability to care for myself).

The ability to recall and talk about the still very foggy memories of the abuse and telling them what I remembered when these repressed memories surfaced at 26 years old DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO CHANGE THE HORRIBLE WAY THEY TREATED ME. Things were exactly the same as before – actually worse – because now we all knew what had happened to me yet for the next 24 years these right wing republican humps blamed me, the victim and although their types are the first to call psychology and therapy b.s. – suddenly they’ll put 100% faith in the idea that one can be cured and would be if “they only pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, do a little work, stop their whining and put a little skin in the game.”

OMG!!! I wanna puke.

I’ve had little choice in my life and have suffered because of many of the choices I’ve made only knowing I needed to make the ones that allowed me to feel better than the all encompassing 24 hour soul crushing despair that occupied my every waking moment. Not wanting to die is a huge relief and anything, be it a beer or a joint (or prayer and meditation – which is what I know now) bestowed that sweet relief from a near constant suicidal tendency, well hell, anyone – especially a 13 year old who knows nothing from nothing but the very basics of survival – would do (and I did) anything to make the hell stop. The rapist pedophile Priest saw to it that I had no faith or trust in God or the Church and my right-wing, beating the life out of me with a strap or yard stick until the child abuse board was in our living room parents – who didn’t do the most basic of basic parenting responsibilities, which is to keep me safe – made sure I had no ability to trust in anyone else (btw: my father got out of it because he was a law enforcement officer and called it a corporal punishment spanking – even though I was 13 and had black and blues all over my legs and body to the point that my gym teacher called the police). I had it coming at me from all angles. Sorry but if a little beer or weed did for you what nothing or anyone else was supposed to – make you feel safe and not wanting to die and gave you a little hope to continue on for a little while longer you’d be making the exact same choices I did. Actually, maybe not. Statistically, out of 10 abused men (9 + me), most of them would have become child rapists and be in prison for it. Statistically most abusers were abused themselves. Women, on the other hand, go into sex work to become empowered over the memories. Perpetrating is something I didn’t do. There was an incident when I was 12 and baby sitting for a 10 year old neighbor girl but that was it. Although mostly at a loss, I credit this to my heightened sense of empathy and morality. I did my fair share of stupid crap but when I became old enough to become a predator I knew the difference between right and wrong, knew the 10 commandments and knew how being hurt by others felt and had no desire to make another feel that way.

Being told that I chose this life was the most hurtful, ignorant thing I’ve ever heard from a family member. It not only showed me how little they care but that they’ve also never done any research into what I went through as well as never learning anything about what happened to me or someone who is sexually abused as a child. I should have expected it. Whenever they say and do incredibly insensitive shit I’m still hurt and surprised. I should know better, especially about this, being that I’ve never been asked about or shown sympathy over what happened to me as a child, by any of them. Not once, ever.

The Evil – How to Identify Them – Cont’d

goodorevilDeciding to write about this topic was one I thought would interest survivors of abuse. Many survivors are currently dealing with evil in their lives – whether it be evil perpetrated against them to silence them or, just plain evil people – either way, evil will leave a person afraid, hurting, confused and a whole host of other emotions. Surrounded by evil behaviors from good people and evil behaviors and words from evil people, we must understand how dangerous the evil are and how they affect us. This information is so much more involved than just the little I share with readers here. I recommend everyone purchase and read a copy of M. Scott Peck’s, People of the Lie. He covers this topic so well and identifies so much of what we deal with as survivors from the people in the religious cults we came out of. It is a must read for every survivor. I am sure when he wrote this book, he never dreamed it would be applicable to the church and its followers!  Sadly, it is.  Knowing how to identify and avoid evil and those who are evil will save us so much trauma. All this said, let me take up where I left off in the first part of this topic and discuss the next characteristics of “the evil” that will help us to identify who they are.

People of the Lie


Another characteristic of the evil is Narcissism, or self-absorption. According to Dr. Peck, some forms of it are normal in childhood, but not in adulthood. Some are more distinctly pathological than others. He talks about a particular pathologic variant called “malignant narcissism,” a term given by Erich Fromm.

“Malignant narcissism is characterized by an unsubmitted will. All adults who are mentally healthy submit themselves one way or another to something higher than themselves, be it God or truth or love or some other ideal. They do what God wants them to do rather than what they would desire. “Thy will, not mine, be done,” the God-submitted person says. They believe in what is true rather than what they would like to be true. . . what their beloved needs becomes more important to them than their own gratification. In summary, to a greater or lesser degree, all mentally healthy individuals submit themselves to the demands of their own conscience. Not so the evil, however. In the conflict between their guilt and their will, it is the guilt that must go and the will that must win.”—M. Scott Peck, M.D.

He goes on to say the evil are extraordinary in their willfulness. They have a strong will and are determined to have their own way. There is remarkable power in the manner in which they attempt to control others (Peck).

This said, a strong will does not determine that a person is evil.

“It is a characteristic of all “great” people that they are extremely strong-willed—whether their greatness be for good or for evil. The strong will—the power and authority—of Jesus radiates from the Gospels, just as Hitler’s did from Mein Kempf. But Jesus’ will was that of his Father, and Hitler’s that of his own. The crucial distinction is between “willingness and willfulness.”

This willful failure to submission that characterizes malignant narcissism is depicted in both the stories of Satan and of Cain and Abel. Satan refused to submit to God’s judgment that Christ was superior to him. For Christ to be preferred meant that Satan was not. Satan was less than Christ in God’s eyes. For Satan to have accepted God’s judgment, he would have had to accept his own imperfection. This he could not or would not do. It was unthinkable that he was imperfect. Consequently submission was impossible and both the rebellion and fall inevitable. So also God’s acceptance of Abel’s sacrifice implied a criticism of Cain: Cain was less than Abel in God’s eyes. Since he refused to acknowledge his imperfection, it was inevitable that Cain, like Satan, should take the law into his own hands and commit murder. In some similar, although usually more subtle fashion, all who are evil also take the law into their own hands, to destroy life or liveliness in defense of their narcissistic self-image.”—M. Scott Peck, M.D.

What is the cause of this malignant narcissism, this arrogant self-image of perfection? How come it doesn’t afflict everyone? No one knows why. They have not even succeeded in distinguishing between all the different types of self-absorbtion yet. At the time Dr. Peck wrote his book, People of the Lie, there was no definitive answer. Some people can be grossly narcissistic and other not at all.

Another characteristic of the evil is that they are masters of disguise. As mentioned in the first part of this article, because the evil are masters of deception and disguise, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the maliciousness of the evil. Their disguise is impenetrable (Peck). The evil hate the truth that exposes their flaws, their crimes, their manipulations, their deceptions. No cost is too high to pay in order to maintain the disguise of righteousness and respectability. Everyone becomes expendable in order to maintain the façade.

And the last characteristic of the evil that I will cover is this: The evil always hide their motives with lies. The lies are not necessarily blatant or gross lies. “Naturally, since it is designed to hide its opposite, the pretense chosen by the evil is most commonly the pretense of love (M. Scott Peck, M.D.). “Because we are good, loving parents, we are deeply concerned about Timothy.” “Because I am her pastor and I love Susie, I am only looking out for her best interests.” “Because we are your parents and we love you, we are doing this to you.” And yet, not everyone is operating under this disguise. So, then, according to Dr. Peck, it must be a matter of degree and it is difficult to know where to draw the line between those that are “falling” into evil and the “fallen.”

First there is a matter of the degree to which they are willing to sacrifice their victim for the preservation of their narcissisitic self-image (Peck). There seems to be no length to which they won’t go. It will not bother them at all to label their victim and use him as a scapegoat. Then there is also the degree — the depth and distortion — of their lying (Peck). The lies are so many that it is a web of deceit so vast that it is nauseating and overwhelming to those affected by it.

Evil is contagious. It affects those surrounded by it in harmful and destructive ways. It leads to many abuses and crimes. So, it is imperative we are able to identify those that are perpetrating evil AND those who have “crossed the line” and are Evil. Let’s review what we’ve covered thus far:

  • Evil begins when one denies his lies and abusive actions.
  • The consistency of the sins is what separates evil and good. The destruction is consistent.
  • Those who have “crossed the line” are characterized by their absolute refusal to tolerate the sense of their own sinfulness.
  • Another predominant characteristic of the behavior of evil people is scapegoating. Because in their hearts they consider themselves above reproach, the evil must lash out at anyone who does reproach them. They sacrifice others to preserve their self-image of perfection.
  • The most typical victim of evil is a child because parents wield absolute power over them. I will add to this that religious leaders can also wield this same power over children.
  • The evil love raw power in order to control and manipulate others.
  • The evil project their own evil onto the world. They never think of themselves as evil: on the other hand, they consequently see much evil in others.
  • Evil, then, is most often committed in order to scapegoat, and the people labeled as such are chronic scapegoaters and blamers. They are consistently placing blame on others for their inadequacies, short falls and wrong doing.
  • The evil are completely dedicated to preserving their self-image. They are continually engaged in an effort to maintain the appearance of moral purity and righteousness.
  • The evil are masters of deception and disguise, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the maliciousness of the evil. Their disguise is impenetrable.
  • Another characteristic of the evil is Narcissism, or self-absorption.
  • The evil hate the truth that exposes their flaws, their crimes, their manipulations, their deceptions. No cost is too high to pay in order to maintain the disguise of righteousness and respectability.
  • The evil always hide their motives with lies. The lies are not necessarily blatant or gross lies. “Naturally, since it is designed to hide its opposite, the pretense chosen by the evil is most commonly the pretense of love (M. Scott Peck, M.D.).

In conclusion, because of the church’s attempts to defend the evil they hide underneath their façade of righteousness, I have endeavored to help readers understand how to identify the evil no matter where one may be. For the last several years, survivors of religious abuses have been doing their best to tell the world the evil they have endured at the hands of those they should have been able to trust.  The evil are in the church and outside of the church, they are family members, they are neighbors, co-works, employers, politicians – everyday people.

Identifying the evil that surround us will enable us to avoid the contamination to the best of our ability. It will allow us an OPPORTUNITY to avoid it, if at all possible, and not be blind-sided by it. Usually, evil is so subtle that by the time we do realize what is happening, it is too late and the harm has been done. Since there is so much evil lurking underneath the mantle of righteousness that many people wear, we must be all the more wiser and our radar needs to be on the highest possible alert level in order to avoid becoming victimized by it, or worse, fall into it. It’s that serious. Identifying evil and “the evil” can mean the difference between happiness or destruction, life or death. What I have come to realize is there is evil in the church system. The Evil have also made their home there. Yet, there are good people in the church system and they too have made their home there. It behooves us to know who our enemies are and avoid them. We also must be aware that because the evil and the good operate alongside each other, good people can be contaminated and influenced by the evil to do evil things to other good people. Those contaminated by evil can recover and be recovered. They are not lost to it. Only those that have “crossed the line” and ARE evil cannot be recovered. This said, one thing rings true where evil is concerned – its primary agenda is to protect self-image. Any organization where you see a complete focus on preserving a righteous and respectable facade; where the focus is to hide all the dirty laundry and corruption – you will find evil lurking. Be Aware.

**M. Scott Peck, M.D.,  is the author of, The People of the Lie, and The Road Less Traveled.

 . . . . . . click here for part one of this topic

The Evil – How to Identify Them

goodorevilOne of the problems religious abuse survivors have voiced over and over again is that the “Church” is full of pedophiles, rapists, misogynists, narcissists and physical and emotional abusers. Repeatedly the roar of the voices of the multitude of the victims of these crimes against humanity, drown out the church’s attempts to defend the evil they hide underneath their façade of righteousness. It’s very hard for those who have been victims of evil to understand they are indeed “victims not just of abuse, but of the Evil.” However, once we have a diagnoses and a name to what has been projected onto us, we can then take the necessary steps to escape the evil.

Let me say the Evil are not those who fill jail cells across the world; howbeit, there are evil people in prison. Evil people surround us. They are professionals, politicians, business owners, parents, employers, religious leaders, friends and neighbors. How can this be? All these people have the ability to gain dominion over us. While some of them may have perpetrated crimes of murder, rape, incest and physical abuses, still others may not be designated as “criminals” because their “crimes” are more subtle. They are criminals in that they commit “crimes” against life and liveliness. They attack the soul by destroying growth, self-worth, self-esteem, autonomy and individuality. They are not always direct with their evil. Their “crimes” are so subtle and covert they cannot clearly be designated as crimes. Those who stay in the presence of evil people will be contaminated and destroyed. The Evil are dangerous. The best thing one can do when faced with evil is to run the other way; get away from it as quickly as you can. But in order to IDENTIFY those who are evil, we need some way of being able to do so.

First, we must put a distinction between evil and ordinary sin. “It is not their sins per se that characterize evil people, rather it is the subtlety and persistence and consistency of their sins. This is because the central defect of the evil is not the sin but the REFUSAL to acknowledge it (M. Scott Peck, M.D.). According to Dr. Peck, there is a kind of randomness to their destructiveness. Evil people deny responsibility for their evil deeds. However, evil deeds do not an evil person make. Otherwise, we should all be evil, because we all do evil things.

Sinning is defined as “missing the mark.” This means we sin every time we fall short of perfection. Because we can’t be perfect, we are all sinners. We will “routinely fail to do the very best of which we are capable, and with each failure we commit a crime of sorts – against God, our neighbors, or ourselves, if not frankly against the law (M. Scott Peck, M.D.). Everyone sins.

Evil, on the other hand, is different. Evil begins when we deny our lies and abusive actions. The consistency of the sins is what separates evil and sin. While usually subtle, the DESTRUCTIVENESS of evil people is remarkably consistent. This is because those who have “crossed the line” are characterized by their ABSOLUTE refusal to tolerate the sense of their own sinfulness. This is why they deny, deny and deny they have done any wrong or harm to others. Instead they place blame.

The poor in spirit do not commit evil. Evil is not committed by people who feel uncertain about their righteousness, who question their own motives, who worry about betraying themselves. The evil in this world is committed by the spiritual fat cats, by the Pharisees of our own day, the self-righteous who think they are without sin because they are unwilling to suffer the discomfort of significant self-examination. . . And it is out of their failure to put themselves on trial that their evil arises. – M. Scott Peck, M.D.

“Another predominant characteristic of the behavior of evil people is scapegoating. Because in their hearts they consider themselves above reproach, the evil must lash out at anyone who does reproach them. They sacrifice others to preserve their self-image of perfection (M. Scott Peck, M.D.).” Not only this, but evil people will use their influence to rally others to their cause of protecting their self-image. We see this consistently throughout the country across all denominations where sexual crimes and abuse are exposed against church leaders. As a result, countless “good” people perpetrate evil on other “good” people even though they have not crossed the line to becoming evil. Or have they? When we see consistency in evil actions being perpetrated, then we can say they have “crossed the line.” Many have crossed the line.

Take a simple example of a six-year old boy who asks his father, “Daddy, why did you call Grandmommy a bitch?” “I told you to stop bothering me,” the father roars. “Now you’re going to get it. I’m going to teach you not to use such filthy language. I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap. Maybe that will teach to clean up what you say and keep your mouth shut when you’re told.” Dragging the boy upstairs to the soap dish, the father inflicts this punishment on him. In the name of “proper discipline” evil has been committed. – M. Scott Peck, M.D.

This example is very common in religious circles. Many religious leaders teach that washing a child’s mouth out with soap is perfectly permissible in order to teach the child not to say certain words or, voice their displeasure, or for questioning authority, rules and doctrine. Without even realizing it, good people are taught to do evil things to the vulnerable who have no voice in anything that happens to them. Not only this, the evil teach good people how to become evil and, even believe the evil they perpetrate, is right.  In the Independent Fundamental Baptist cult I came out of, we were taught to “break the child’s will.” We were instructed to spank them for every infraction, CONSISTENTLY! This “breaking of the child’s will” could start as an infant!  This is evil and it is perpetrated consistently in this sect by seemingly good people.

Parents have complete dominion over children. This puts children as the number one targets of evil. As a result, “when a child is grossly confronted by significant evil in its parents, it will most likely misinterpret the situation and believe that the evil resides in itself. Add to this fact that evil people, refusing to acknowledge their own failures, actually desire to project their evil onto others, and it is no wonder that children will misinterpret the process by hating themselves. (Peck)” This is why children suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. This is why they attempt suicide, run away from home, or lean toward alcohol and drugs as coping mechanisms.

To children – even adolescents—their parents are like gods. The way their parents do things seems the way they SHOULD be done. Children are seldom able to objectively compare their parents to other parents. They are not able to make realistic assessments of their parents’ behavior. Treated badly by its parents, a child will usually assume that it is bad. If treated as an ugly, stupid second-class citizen, it will grow up with an image of itself as ugly, stupid and second-class. Raised without love, children come to believe themselves unlovable. We may express this as a general law of child development: Whenever there is a major deficit in parental love, the child will, in all likelihood, respond to that deficit by assuming itself to be the cause of the deficit, thereby developing an unrealistically negative self-image.—M. Scott Peck, M.D.

Another indication of the evil is the way they are influenced by raw power. When an evil person has power or dominion over others, they are only interested in controlling them. This control causes the evil to neglect the needs, desires and wants of others. It also causes them to treat others disrespectfully; not allowing for their opinions, thoughts and desires to be voiced. The evil will sacrifice good people to protect their self-image AND in order to maintain CONTROL. This is why questioning rules and dogmas is taboo in churches with evil leadership. The evil want blind obedience and unquestionable loyalty. Those who do not meet these criteria are sacrificed in the most vicious and humiliating ways. Many do not recover from the evil projected onto them when they are scapegoated and cast off.

Since the evil, deep down, feel themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive the conflict as the world’s fault. Since they must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad. They PROJECT their own evil onto the world. They never think of themselves as evil: on the other hand, they consequently see much evil in others. The father (in the example above) perceived the profanity and uncleanliness as existing in his son and took action to cleanse his son’s “filthiness.” Yet we know it was the father who was profane and unclean. The father projected his own filth onto his son and then assaulted his son in the name of good parenting (M. Scott Peck, M.D.).

Evil, then, is most often committed in order to scapegoat, and the people labeled as such are chronic scapegoaters and blamers. They are consistently placing blame for their evil behavior and words.

Strangely though, evil people also attempt to destroy evil in others. But instead of trying to do this, they should be trying to destroy the sickness and evil within themselves. The evil are quick to judge sin and sinners and condemn them to hell. They are quick to isolate themselves and their families from others so they can have complete control over their families. They are quick to take action against those that speak out about their abusers and abuses within the church. They are quick to inflict physical punishment or harm to those that disagree with their beliefs, lifestyles and/or do not follow the rules. The EVIL also kill in God’s name.

“The evil are completely dedicated to preserving their self-image of perfect holiness. They are continually engaged in an effort to maintain the appearance of moral purity and righteousness. The evil dress well, go to work on time, pay their taxes, and outwardly look like good people. “The words “image,” “appearance,” and “outwardly” are crucial to understanding the morality of the evil. They intensely desire to appear good. Their “goodness” is all on a level of pretense. It is a lie (Peck).” They cannot and will not look within themselves at the evil they commit and project onto others. They only see themselves as “righteous” and others as “sinners.”

Because the evil are masters of deception and disguise, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the maliciousness of the evil. Their disguise is impenetrable. The evil hate the truth that exposes their flaws, their crimes, their manipulations, their deceptions. No cost is too high to pay in order to maintain the disguise of righteousness and respectability.

. . . . . click here to continue

Are You Good or Evil?

zombieSometimes it is easy for people to commit Evil and not even be aware of it. There are countless people that harass, character assassinate, stalk and verbally abuse people who step forward to report their abuses at the hands of clergy. There are countless Christians who do the same to those who expose lies in doctrine or teaching. What they do not realize is that they are committing Evil in God’s name. These two things should never go together! God and Evil are opposites. Let me explain.

What many do not understand is the working definition of EVIL. “Evil is in opposition to life. It is that which opposes the life force. It has, in short, to do with killing (M.Scott Peck).” When I say this, I am not necessarily talking about murder as we understand murder. Evil can also kill the SPIRIT. Some attributes of human life are growth, autonomy, will, self-respect, dignity, self-worth. It is possible to kill or try to kill one or all of these attributes in a person without physically hurting them. This is done through psychological, emotional and spiritual abuses; or, religious indoctrination through mind control, information control and behavior modification techniques. Let me say emphatically this: Any belief or teaching that causes a person to perpetrate Evil is, itself Evil. It’s fruit will be Evil. The end result will be “soul murder” for the victim.

Religious indoctrination can employ this “soul murder” in order to make others controllable. Soul murder fosters dependency on leadership and the religious system and discourages a person’s capacity to think for himself. This prevents questioning, originality, autonomy and unpredictability in people. It produces “zombies” that are easily managed and told what to do and what to believe. The victims of “soul murder” are innumerable and God will hold religious leaders accountable for each “zombie” they create. Then, these “dead” people are used as pawns to further EVIL by attacking and killing others “in His name.” Yet these “dead” individuals do not know they are dead! They do not realize that their life force has been sucked out of them and replaced with Evil. They don’t know they are Evil because they are zombies. They are only interested in creating other zombies!

Evil then, can be said to be a force that resides inside of us that seeks to kill life or liveliness. And goodness is its opposite. Goodness promotes life and liveliness. Some think that because they go to church, live a good life, are separated unto God or, know scripture that they cannot perpetrate Evil. This is so far from reality and truth! These “Zombies for God” go about killing the souls of those trying to escape the EVIL who are already broken, abused and wounded. The cycle never ends.

Evil is in opposition to God. God wants us to not just have life. He wants us to live life ABUNDANTLY. Satan, however, is a murderer. Jesus said, “He was a murderer from the beginning.” “Evil has nothing to do with natural death; it is concerned only with unnatural death, with the murder of the body or spirit (M. Scott Peck, M.D.).”

God is love. UNCONDITIONAL love promotes healing. Wherever there is this kind of love one can find healing.  Wherever one finds unconditional love there will be peace, joy, liveliness and contentment. Evil is deadly. Wherever there is Evil one will find brokenness, pain, depression, anxieties and fear. There will be a loss of dignity, autonomy and self-worth. It leads to death.

By hurling insults at victims, by harassing them, by stalking them, by calling them all manner of names, Satan has just effectively used you to do his will – to KILL. To kill the life force in a person is the worst possible crime against a human being. It is the greatest sin of all. Physical death at least puts an end to suffering. Soul murder does no such thing. It is either done to manipulate and control others or, it is done with the specific intent to cause more suffering and pain far into the future. Life, then, has no joy. Life is painful to get through. Physical death then becomes preferable to life.

Evil is a “choice.” One can CHOOSE to love others and lift them up in order to promote healing and autonomy as human beings. Or, one can CHOOSE to degrade, accuse and hurl insults in order to KILL their soul. If you truly want victims of abuse to HEAL, then stop the verbal abuse, the accusations, the name-calling, the harassment, the stalking. By showering them with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and support, you will then enable them to heal. Anything less than this is EVIL.

Honor Killings – Worldwide Index of Religious Abuse

RELIGIOUS ABUSE encompasses many religions  and religiously run systems across the world. It is not a problem that is just happening within U.S. borders.  Within each religion the abuses vary but, one facet of religious abuse crosses all denominational and systemic barriers; that facet is that the majority of the abused are women and children. Women and children have no protections from these religious abuses because RELIGIOUS LEADERS have been allowed to have free reign in establishing the rules and guidelines that followers must adhere to for their respective religions and/or religiously run systems. They use man-made religious writings of the early centuries to enforce their dogmas and rules on the present culture and times. What many do not realize is that these writings were written for the culture and times of their day, not for today’s time and culture.  God is a God of TODAY, not yesterday.  And, most religious writings have been tampered with and changed by religious leaders and scribes throughout history to point people in the direction of their preconceived opinions and ideals. These changes have been made in order to bring women and children under complete and total domination of men for sexual exploitation.

For centuries, religious leaders have used BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION, THOUGHT REFORM and INFORMATION CONTROL to bring about conformity to man-made rules. Those that do not conform have been murdered and/or mutilated.  As a result of this free reign across the world for centuries, inequality exists in the world whereby women and children are the primary targets of the abuses meted out. To escape the abuses can mean any or all of the following for an abuse victim: shaming, shunning, financial destruction, labeling, mutilation and/or death.

HONOR KILLINGS are a very strategic part of certain religions and religious systems; strategic, because it has one goal – to CONTROL by FORCE and FEAR women and children in order to prevent them from exercising personal liberty and autonomy as human beings.  Because religious beliefs are interwoven into civil laws in many Muslim countries, women and children are left unprotected. The abuses are rampant and allow men and women free reign to murder, mutilate and maim in the name of “honor” and “God.” Any “perceived” wrongdoing for a woman or child could be a cause for death, burning or mutilation. It is time for people to see the reality of the horrible RELIGIOUS ABUSES hidden within a system that is designed to proliferate a male-dominated society where the value of women and children are worthless. Before we dive into this extensive list of murders, mutilations and attempted murders, let’s learn a little about how Islam operates and what it is. The following video will help the reader to understand how an abusive religion or religiously controlled system can infiltrate, spread and take over whole nations.


For more articles and videos on how Islam is affecting America and the reality of what is taking place, click HERE.

The following indexes need to be viewed by EVERY AMERICAN. These reflect a TRUE picture of the FRUIT of this system. After these indexes, will be some pictures of Islamic Religious Abuses perpetrated upon women and children. WARNING: These pictures are graphic!!!

This index is provided by WikiIslam and can be accessed HERE . This Index is not updated weekly on this BLOG like the Clergy Abuse Archive is. You MUST access WikiIslam to see new updates added to this list.

linedividerThis is by no means a comprehensive list as many honor killings are covered up just as U.S. religious sects cover up their abuses.  The reality is that RELIGIOUS zealots and fundamentalists can be dangerous. Those religions and/or systems that harbor these abusive zealots and fundamentalists, need to be identified and the populous made aware of them. It doesn’t matter what people say about their religion, if women and children are being abused, suppressed, oppressed, strictly controlled and harmed, then we will know them by their fruit, not their words.  Any silence on this issue from those within the religion or system, makes them complicit in the crimes committed. Anything less than 100% support in stopping these crimes and changing laws to protect women and children, makes them complicit in the crimes.

Please share these indexes with everyone you know so they can see how abusive this religiously controlled system can be. Share the pictures as well. It’s time for our eyes, as well as the eyes of peace-loving Muslim people, to be opened to the truth about the dangers of this religious system’s dark side. Let me say that EVERY religion has a dark side. The dark side of this one just happens to be the LEGAL right to burn, mutilate and murder women and children. These indexes are provided for reference purposes only.

Honor Killings in Muslim Majority Nations

Honor Killings and Violence in Non-Muslim Nations

Honor Related Violence or Danger to life in Muslim Majority Nations

 linedividerThe following photos are only 30 of the countless photos of mutilation and murder of women and children that I have found on the internet. Many of the photos could not be put here because of the graphic nature of the sexual mutilation done to the women by Muslim men because they were non-Muslim women.  It is time for American Citizens to open their eyes to Sharia and the cruelty and murder it condones in the name of “Honor.” There have been many honor killings here in the U.S. As Americans, it is time for us to take the blinders off and see the danger that ALL religions can pose when there is no escape from them and their abuses. When a religion is completely male dominated and it influences laws toward male dominance and control, women and children will become the targets of the worst crimes against humanity; especially sexual crimes and pedophilia.





muslim killing20muslim killing19muslim killing18muslim killing17muslim killing16muslim killing15muslim killing14muslim killing11muslim killing10muslim killing8muslim killing5muslim killing4muslim killing3muslim killing131.1234713151732

RELIGION – Satan’s Biggest Weapon

Religious BondageI originally wrote this as an outline on August 20, 2006 to teach in the nursing home. To me, it is a testament to the fact that God had already started opening my eyes to how dangerous man-made religion can be in the lives of its followers. Little did I know at that time, when I was teaching this in the nursing home, that God would extract me from the grips of religious bondage to a fundamentalist baptist sect that was abusive toward women and children and set me on a course to do His will in warning others about the dangers that lurk underneath religion’s mantle. Looking back, I am amazed at how much God allowed me to see of the truth and, I am severely disappointed that I ignored it and continued in my bondage. What a sad reality it is to comprehend that I was being shown truth but could not fully understand the seriousness of it due to religious indoctrination and religiously instilled fear.  I have made a few changes and additions to this outline for better clarity and understanding. I sincerely hope that what I am about to cover falls on an open mind and heart that is not blinded by man-made doctrines, rules and religious precepts (the doctrines and commandments of men).

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


John 3:1-21 – There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.

(3)Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?

Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit. (You mean you cannot CONTROL the Spirit of TRUTH in God’s people just like you cannot control the wind?)

Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?

(10) Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things? Verily, verily, I say unto thee, We speak that we do know, and testify that we have seen; and ye receive not our witness. If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?  And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. (It does NOT say, “That whosoever believeth in the Pope, Pastor, Priest, Rabbi,or any other religious leader, or the Church, should not perish, but have eternal life.”)

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in HIM should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (You mean believing in religion, the “man of God” or the “church” won’t save you?)

And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil (Say it isn’t so! Men’s deeds EVIL?). For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.  But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.” (It doesn’t say that his deeds are perfect, because mankind is sinful. It says that his deeds are wrought in God. There will be many sinners coming to the knowledge of the truth that desire to warn others about the “greatest deception of all.”)

Verse 3 (highlighted above) tells us that we cannot get to heaven unless we are born again of the Spirit of God. Most people do not understand what being born again means. Some people actually think that means going to a man-made church and serving men who call themselves by religious titles.  Verse 10 tells us that Nicodemus, although a religious leader, had no understanding of spiritual things. His RELIGION was keeping him blind to the truth that had the power to save is very soul and set him free from religions bondage. However, he did recognize that Jesus was a ‘teacher come from God’. (verse 2) He was confusing works with faith.  Notice how he addresses Jesus as “Rabbi” and “teacher.”  He understood that the miracles meant that God was with him. However, he was not willing to let go of a LIFETIME of man-made religious dogma, precepts and rules, coupled with religious tradition, and acknowledge Jesus as “Lord.”

The same is true today. Religious people from all walks of life refuse to let go of a lifetime of religion and tradition to embrace the truth. God has given us his spirit to guide and teach us so that “we might KNOW the things that are freely given to us of God.”  Instead, religion has replaced His Spirit with a Pastor, Priest, Rabbi or other religious designation, so that these religious leaders are now leading and guiding God’s people. The Holy Spirit has been SUBSTITUTED. The people have erred and do not even realize it. Because of this, they foster hatred toward those that oppose a wicked religious leader. They persecute, malign and shun those that find the courage to speak the truth and expose the lies and crimes. And, they themselves become secondary abusers complicit in the crimes perpetrated – all because of blindness and refusal to listen when truth is spoken.

(1Co 2:12)  Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might KNOW the things that are freely given to us of God.

(1Co 2:13)  Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.

(1Co 2:14)  But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.


It causes people to turn a blind eye to truth instead seeing and understanding it. The reason for this is clear as we shall see from the up coming passages. The Pastors (religious leaders) have caused their flocks to go astray. God holds religious leaders accountable just as he did the Pharisees. Just as the Pharisees instituted their rules aimed at controlling the people, so Pastors of all denominations have done today. As pastors have built unto themselves financial empires off the backs of the poor, they have fallen to corruption. Power, prestige and money are the root of this corruption. The abuses abound and are well hidden by the church and its leaders. Those confronted with the abuses, turn a blind eye to them and support the abusers. Religious followers cannot see past the titles and labels that religious leaders wear that affect clear thought processes. Therefore they both fall into the ditch and it causes followers to become abusers themselves of those that step forward to speak truth. They have rested their lives, their money, their families and their time in religious leaders and church institutions instead of Christ. They have forgotten their true resting place.

2Ti 4:3  For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;

2Ti 4:4  And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

Jer 50:6  My people hath been lost sheep: their shepherds (PASTORS) have caused them to go astray, they have turned them away on the mountains: they have gone from mountain to hill, they have forgotten their resting place.


Man-made ordinances and rules fill the churches of all religions. It is not isolated to any particular sect. Countless multitudes believe every word that proceeds from religious leaders within their respective institutions. As a result, they are led astray through corruption and false teaching.

Just for the sake of an example, I would like to take a look at what the Roman Catholic Church teaches it’s priests about the Pope and compare it to what the Word of God says.  What you will notice is that their many rules are based on what MEN SAY Peter is “perceived” to have said or done and not what “Christ” has commanded, said or done. It is also based on man-made religious precepts. This is where corruption rears its head – listening to men and not God. Men can make their own rules in God’s name and force implementation of them. This is exactly what has transpired from the beginning.

In considering this doctrine of the papacy, I will only use the teaching of the church as contained in the dogmatic definitions, the official documents of the ecumenical councils, and the teachings of the Popes. These represent the actual teaching of the church, regardless of what some Catholics believe, what certain priests teach  today, or even what some bishops may have written. The following statements are duly documented.

The acceptance of the authority of the Pope and submission to him is necessary for salvation!

“Furthermore, WE (mere MEN, not God) declare, state and define that it is absolutely necessary for the SALVATION of all men that they submit to the Roman Pontif. [Bull Unam Sanctum of Pope Boniface VIII,1302. The Teaching of the Catholic Church by Neuner and Roos, S.J. p. 204, No.342.] (SUBMIT to a MAN and not GOD?)

The Primacy of the Pope

WE (mere MEN, not God) decree that the Holy Apostolic See and the Roman Pontiff have primacy in the whole world, and that this Roman Pontiff is the successor of blessed Peter, the Prince of the Apostles, and true “Vicar of Christ” head of the whole church and father and teacher of all Christians; that to him in blessed Peter was given by our Lord Jesus Christ the full power of feeding, ruling and governing the universal church as it is contained in the acts of the ecumenical councils and in the sacred canons. [Council of Florence, 1439. Ibid., p. 206, No. 349.] (This is not in scripture anywhere. As a matter of fact, Peter states the opposite about himself in 1 Pet 5:1, 5:3, Acts 10:25)

“If any one, therefore, shall say that blessed Peter the Apostle was not appointed the Prince of all the Apostles and the visable head of the whole church; or that he directly and immediately received a primacy of honor only, and not of true and proper jurisdiction [right of power] – – let him be anathema [excommunicated and condemned] [Vatican Council I, 1870. Ibid., p. 223, No. 374.]” (God does not imply or command this anywhere in scripture. This is a THREAT aimed at silencing those that speak the TRUTH. See 1 Pet 5:1, 5:3, Acts 10:25)

“Hence WE (mere MEN, not God) teach and declare that by the appointment of our Lord the Roman Church possesses a superiority of ordinary POWER (Yes, it IS all about POWER, not about God.) over all other churches, and that this POWER of jurisdiction of the Roman Pontiff, which is truly Episcopal, is immediate; to which all, of whatever rite or dignity, both pastors and faithful, both individually and collectively, are bound by their duty of hierarchical subordination and true obedience, to submit, not only in matters that pertain to faith and morals, but also in those that pertain to discipline and government of the Church throughout the world.” [Ibid., p. 224-225, No. 379] (Well, well…it IS about POWER and CONTROL through SUBMISSION.)

“If then anyone shall say that the Roman Pontiff has merely the office of inspection and direction, but not full and supreme POWER of jurisdiction over the universal church, not only in things pertaining to faith and morals, but also in those things that relate to the discipline and government of the church spread throughout the world; or that he possesses only the principal part, and not all the fullness of this supreme power. . . Let him be excommunicated and condemned!” [Vatican Council I. Ibid., p. 226, No. 382] (MORE FEAR tactics through THREATENINGS.)

Many more quotations could be given from papal decrees, councils and dogmatic statements; but, let’s hear how the dogma of papal infallibility is defined by Pope Pius IX in 1870 at the first Vatican Ecumenical Council:

“Therefore, faithfully adhering to the TRADITION (Not from God. God has no tradition.) received from the beginning of the Christian faith (Says, Who? MEN?), for the glory of God our Saviour, the exaltation of the Catholic religion, and the salvation of Christian peoples, the sacred Council approving (MEN), We teach and define that it is a dogma divinely revealed (Really? DIVINELY REVEALED? – Not by God, Jesus or the Prophets – so this is a lie.):  that the Roman Pontiff, when He speaks ex-cathedra, that is, when in discharge of the office of Pastor and Doctor of all Christians, by virtue of His supreme apostolic authority He defines a doctrine regarding faith or morals to be held by the Universal Church, by the divine assistance promised him in blessed Peter, is possessed with that infallibility with which the Divine Redeemer willed that His church should be endowed for defining doctrine regarding faith or morals: and that therefore such definitions of the Roman Pontiff are irreformable of themselves, and not from the consent of the church.  But if any one which God avert – presume to contradict this our definition – let him be excommunicated and condemned!” [Ibid., p. 229, No. 388] (God says no such things in scripture; so this is a man-made religious dogma aimed at CONTROLLING people through threats and fear.)

Catholic Statements About the Pope

The Pope is usually and formally addressed as: “Most Holy Father.” [See encyclical by Leo XIII as introduction to the Douay version of the Bible.] (Mat 23:9 – And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.)

In the Cardinal’s Oath, Pope Pius X is addressed as: “Our Most Holy Lord.” [From the Article “Scriptures for Roman Catholics,” by Dr. Bartholomew Brewer.] (Now they are placing a mere MAN in the place of Christ and making him Lord. In case you didn’t know this, this is deception. 1Co 8:6 – But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and ONE LORD Jesus Christ, by whom are all things, and we by him.)

The famous historian Moreri writes: “To make war against the Pope is to make war against God.” [Ibid.] (This is a good way to PROTECT a DECEIVER; through fear of God.)


Leo XIII (mere MAN, not God) (1902) said:

“The supreme teacher in the church is the Roman Pontiff. Union of minds, therefore, requires, together with a perfect accord in the one faith, complete SUBMISSION and OBEDIENCE of will to the CHURCH (Not God) and to the Roman Pontiff, as to God Himself.” [Ibid.] (Interesting. Another RULE instituted by MEN to bring about UNQUESTIONING obedience and control to the church and a MAN.)

Pope Pius X (mere MAN, not God) stated:

“The Pope is not only the representative of Jesus Christ, but He IS Jesus Christ Himself hidden under the veil of flesh. ‘Does the Pope speak? It is Jesus Christ who speaks.” [Ibid] (In this statement, we are told that the POPE is CHRIST. This is DECEIT. He is a mere MAN, not God, placing himself in the place of CHRIST – a SUBSTITUTION – a fake in place of the real.)

Pope Pius XI (mere MAN, not God) once declared:

“You know that I am the Holy Father, the representative of God on earth, the Vicar of Christ, which means that I am God on the earth.” [Ibid.] (Well, well…another SUBSTITUTION aimed at POWER and CONTROL of People.)

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

As stated earlier, there are other religious sects that can be used as examples where man-made doctrines are being taught that go against the Word of God…. and countless multitudes blindly believe they are necessary in order to please God. So, let’s look at the scriptures and see what they really declare.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


“The elders which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder . .” 1 Peter 5:1 (You mean he wasn’t a “CHRIST and head of God’s People?”)

“Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.” 1 Peter 5:3 (Not LORDS over God’s People?)

“Which when the apostles, Barnabas and Paul, heard of, they rent their clothes, and ran in among the people, crying out, and saying, Sirs, why do ye these things? We also are men of like passions with you . .” Acts 14: 14-15. (Even Paul and Barnabas KNEW that no mere MAN should be worshipped nor placed in the position of Christ.)

“And as Peter was coming in, Cornelius met him, and fell down at his feet, and worshipped him.  But Peter took him up, saying, Stand Up; I myself also am a man.” Acts 10:25. (What! Peter did not demand WORSHIP? You mean he was just a mere MAN and not a God?)

Acts10:25-26 “And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in Heaven.” Mathew 23:9 (This is self-explanatory.)

In the light of the Holy Scriptures, certain dogmatic definitions and statements on the Pope sound blasphemous!  This his how Religion keeps people blinded to the truth of God’s Word.  Religion keeps people in bondage. Religion makes up its own rules and institutes punishments for going against them. Salvation frees us from this bondage so that we can worship in “Spirit and in truth”. Religion seeks to control people through their many religious rules backed by threats. Those that do not conform, are killed and/or silenced through threats, coercion, harassment, etc. Remember the Reformation and Inquisition – Over 90 million men, women and children were  tortured, mutilated and killed by CHRISTIANS of the Church of Rome under the direction of religious leaders.

Joh 4:23  But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

Joh 4:24  God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Religion usually teaches a works salvation. If you live a good enough life (works), you might make it to heaven.  If you serve in the ministry of the church (works), God will be pleased with you.  If you follow all the church’s rules and precepts, God will bless you abundantly (works).  If you give of your MONEY (works) to the church, God will bless you.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Here’s what God says:

Eph 2:9  Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Tit 3:5  Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, . .

Heb 6:1  Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God.

(You mean all these works are considered DEAD WORKS?)

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Religion DEMANDS obedience to the MAN-MADE ordinances, dogmas and precepts instead of obedience to God’s Word.  It demands obedience to a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” in order to please God. It demands obedience and loyalty to “the MAN of God” or, the “Religious Institution,”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

God’s Word says:

Mat 15:3 – But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?

Mar 7:9 – And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition.

Mar 7:13 – Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye (Who are Ye? MEN, usually religious leaders.) have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

Col 2:8 – Beware lest any MAN spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

1Pe 1:18  Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers;

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

The masses would prefer to follow anything but the truth. Why?  John 3:20 – “ lest his deeds should be reproved.”

God did not invent religion, man did. Man uses religion to keep people in bondage to an institution instead of setting them free to worship God and obey his will in their lives.  Religion is the biggest weapon used by Satan to keep people blind to the truth and in bondage to men, religious institutions, and religious leaders. Religion propagates HATE toward those that disagree or question the lies being taught. Religion harasses those that expose those lies and/or any abuses. Religion tries to silence the voices of TRUTH that God has placed in the world to WARN others about the biggest DECEPTION of all time – that deception is man-made religions owned and operated by MEN who have corrupted the scriptures and would have all POWER, CONTROL, MONEY and PRESTIGE for themselves. Religion has been murdering and abusing for centuries. Please remember that more than 90 million people lost their lives “in the name of God” during the Reformation and Inquisition. Right now, women and children are suffering at the hands of religion and its leaders across the world.  This is serious. It’s time to wake up and realize the deception. Religion starts wars, murders its own and others, oppresses and abuses women and children setting them up for sexual exploitation, and incites hatred and violence toward those that disagree or expose the lies and abuses. RELIGION IS SATAN’S BIGGEST WEAPON.